


Six Months

by shadowblade_tara



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Gen, adopted family, six months of reasons not to screw with joel and ellie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-02-14 14:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13010151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowblade_tara/pseuds/shadowblade_tara
Summary: A series of one-shots involving Joel, Ellie, and the first six months in Jackson.





	1. A Different Kind of Miracle

**Author's Note:**

> The Last of Us © Naughty Dog.
> 
> So I’m writing a multi-chap story for this fandom, and there’s going to be a six month gap between the end of the game and the start of the fic. This is where I’m stashing one-shots that take place in those six months that are also referenced in the fic, starting with my take on how Ellie found out the truth about the Fireflies, and what exactly Joel’s motivations were when he slaughtered them all.
> 
> Cross-posted from FF.net at the request of my reviewer. JoelandEllieForever, I hope you continue to love this little series of mine.

Almost as soon as Joel and Ellie have made it back to Jackson, Tommy has Joel in a conference room demanding the truth.

Honestly? Joel’s too tired to lie. He’s still too shaken, too worried about Ellie, too everything to even think about lying to his brother. He’s still surprised he managed to lie to Ellie about it. So, he takes a deep breath, leans against the wall, and starts talking.

Never mind that he’s pretty positive Ellie is on the other side of that wall, her back pressed to his. If he focuses, he can almost hear her small, shallow breaths. He can’t really keep lying to her, either, but – well, this is easier than trying to say it to her face. So, he takes a deep breath and begins.

“We found the Fireflies.”

“And?”

Joel shakes his head. “Right before we found them – or they found us – Ellie nearly drowned. I was tryin’ ta bring her back when they showed up and knocked my ass out cold. When I came around, Marline was there, tellin’ me they’d brought her back and she was safe.” He won’t look at Tommy. He keeps his eyes to the ground, talking more to himself and to Ellie than to him. Ultimately, his opinion doesn’t matter. “I wanted to see her. Marline wouldn’t let me. Said she was bein’ prepped for surgery and I was good to leave.”

He thinks he hears a sound behind him, through that thin wall. _God, Ellie, please don’t hate me for what I did._ “Couldn’t figure out what the hell she was talkin’ about. Always thought they just needed ta draw blood, you know? That’s what Ellie thought. That’s all she gave me the impression would happen.” 

_When this is over, we can go wherever you want to._

__

__

Well, I’m not leaving without you. So, let’s go get it done.

Tommy’s eyes narrow. “Surgery isn’t blood drawn.”

“No.” Joel almost chokes on a bitter laugh. “They had ta cut the fungus out of her – out of her brain. Tommy, they were gonna kill her, all on the off-chance they could make a vaccine.” His hands are shaking now. He clenches them into fists to steady himself.

Tommy isn’t stupid. He knows exactly what happened. “How many of them did you kill?”

“All of them.” He even walked back through and made damn sure of that. 

“Even Marline?”

That earns Tommy a glare. “What do you think? She would have just come after Elie again. I ain’ lettin’ that happen.”

Tommy seems to consider that for a moment. “You sure you were saving Ellie?”

Joel’s head snaps up. For the first time, he looks Tommy dead in the eye. “The hell are you talking about?” His voice is low and cold, and he thinks he might hear movement behind him.

Tommy doesn’t seem concerned at all about the tone change. Ellie would be, though, Joel thinks with distant amusement, Ellie would know just how dangerous that tone is. Tommy just takes a step forward, anger glinting in his eyes.

“The way I see it, you just sentenced all of us to death, just to save Sarah one last time.”

Joel sees red.

He’s not aware of the movement. The next thing he knows, he has Tommy pinned to the wall, arm against his throat, almost strangling the smaller man. He still has enough thought process left to realize he doesn’t actually want to kill his brother (no matter how much he wants to right now). There’s movement behind him again, but he’s only dimly aware of it.

“Ellie is not Sarah.”

Tommy manages to free himself just enough to breathe properly again. Joel still has him pretty firmly pinned to the wall. “You sure about that?”

Joel snarls. “Listen ta me, Tommy – _Ellie is not Sarah._ Sarah’s gone, and it hurts every damned day, but I’ve made my peace with that. But Elie is _mine,_ and there ain’ shit in this world that’s worth her life. You hear me?” He lets Tommy go and takes a step back. “I don’ give a shit if you believe me or not. But I’ll burn this whole fucking world down myself if it means keeping her safe.”

For a long moment, Tommy and Joel simply look at each other. A small sound behind him breaks the moment.

“Holy shit, Joel.”

He spins around. There’s Ellie, standing just inside the door, eyes wide and tears tracking down her face. Joel’s heart breaks. He kneels down, not willing to scare her, and suddenly Ellie is in his arms and clinging to him for all she’s worth, and he wraps his arms around her and buries his face in her neck.

She’s still here. That’s all that matters.

“Why did you lie to me?”

His voice is muted, but she can understand him. “I didn’ want ta hurt ya, baby girl. I know Marline meant somethin’ to ya.” He takes a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry. They took that choice from ya, an’ then I took it again.”

Her grip on him tightens. Green eyes look past him, glaring at Tommy, as if he’s the reason for the emotional turmoil of her guardian. “I’m still mad at you.”

A quiet sigh. “I know.”

“But – but you’re right. I didn’t know, and I don’t want to die.” That much she’s absolutely certain of. Maybe, if she had known from the beginning, her opinion might be different. Maybe then she wouldn’t have gotten attached to Joel, wouldn’t have decided that he was worth building a life around. She probably would have told him, too, so he would have guarded himself a little better.

_And then maybe it all would have burned to the ground anyway, because then winter happened, and after that –_

__

__

_Well, after that, nothing was the same between them. It was better._

Joel stands up, but he doesn’t let go of Ellie. He turns to face Tommy, still carrying the girl in his arms. “Ellie is mine.”

Tommy nods. It’s not approval, but it’s understanding, and that’s all Joel cares about. “Maria will show you to your home.” 

/--------/

The first two weeks prove rough.

Ellie isn’t inclined to talk much – to anyone, but especially to Joel – and Joel isn’t inclined to push it. He speaks to her, greets her in the morning, asks her about her day and how she’s settling in. She gives him short, basic answers, and he lets her get away with it. He seems to understand what she needs, and is more than willing to give it to her.

She just doesn’t understand herself yet.

She’s not mad. Not anymore. In fact, she’s a little more concerned with how – okay – she is about the entire thing.

She was supposed to be the cure. The key to saving everyone. Now she’s not. Joel took that identity from her, but not before giving her a new one.

_Ellie is mine._

She thinks she can be his. That’s a good thing to be. Joel, despite everything _or maybe because of everything_ is a good man. She can make a life around this new identity if she can come to terms with it.

But coming to terms with it isn’t as hard as she thought it would be.

Maybe she should be more concerned about what he did to save her – after all, that’s mass murder – but she’s not. Honestly, this is the man that tortured a few people and killed about a dozen others to find and save her that winter. It’s really not surprising that he would continue with that level of brutality as far as her safety is concerned.

Honestly? She’d do the same for him.

If the roles were reversed, if she had to make the choice to save the world or save Joel – 

How did he phrase it?

_I’ll burn this whole fucking world down myself._

So, on week three, she comes out of their room (she hates sleeping alone and so does he) and finds him preparing breakfast. It’s not much, just bread and preserves with some juice, but it’s more than they’ve had in over a year. He smiles at her.

“Sleep well?”

“Yeah.” She approaches the table and leans over it, fixing him with a hard stare. “Hey, Joel?”

He pauses and sets the butter knife aside. “Yeah?”

“If I’m yours, does that make you mine?”

He smiles then. “Yeah, Ellie. Always has.”

She considers him for a moment, then nods and grins. “Good. Gimme some bread – I’m fucking starving.”

Joel laughs outright at that, even as he passes her a plate, and Ellie grins up at him. They both know it’s forgiveness.

He’s not really her dad, and she’s not Sarah, and never will be. But honestly, just being _his_ and him being _hers_ is better than anything else. She doesn’t want to replace Sarah.

She just wants to be his Ellie.

As long as she’s his Ellie, and he’s her Joel – well, that’s all either of them will ever need in this world.


	2. Hold on to What You Can't Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson doesn't know what to make of its newest arrivals. One particular incident just proves you don't mess with Joel and Ellie.

Jackson isn’t sure what to make of their newest residents.

Tommy hears the murmuring and complaining. Most citizens here have kids – it’s part of what drew them to Jackson in the first place – and they don’t like the idea of two unknown people running around. Some of the younger parents are downright hostile towards Joel and Ellie. The older ones, the ones who have been around the block a time or two and know what surviving does to a person, just give them a wide enough berth and wait for them to settle in.

About a month in, Tommy doesn’t know if that will happen.

He figured that Joel and Ellie’s relationship would deteriorate in the aftermath of her finding out the truth. Instead, it just got stronger. They’re rarely out of each other’s company, and Tommy suspects they’ve been sharing a bed. The few times he’s been over, he can tell the extra bedroom hasn’t been used. He doesn’t ask Joel about that. It’s really not his place.

Still, anyone with eyes can tell they’re severely codependent. Even in the mess hall, they’re constantly checking for each other, never far enough away that a two-second search or a call of the name won’t bring them back together. 

They’re also never unarmed. Joel carries his gun, but Tommy drew the line at allowing Ellie to carry her own. They both fought him on that one, but Tommy stood his ground (after all, he still had hopes then that Ellie might make some friends, and the gun would just get in the way of that). Still, he knows Ellie is armed. He’s seen her reach into her pocket every time she feels threatened – or feels like someone is threatening Joel.

Tommy hasn’t quite figured out which one is worse yet.

At the end of week four, the incident happens.

Tommy, miracle upon miracles, gets to watch the whole thing unfold. He sees Joel walk in to the mess hall, another man – one of the men that guard the wall, called Amos – hot on his heels. The conversation is low, quiet but clearly tense. Joel seems agitated, but isn’t in the mood to have an argument. For once, Tommy doesn’t see Ellie. She must be trailing a little bit behind.

Amos raises his voice. Tommy still can’t hear what’s being said, the mess hall is simply too loud, but Joel tenses up and says something that’s clearly derogatory. Something draws his attention to the left, causing him to dismiss Amos completely, and that’s when Amos loses it.

The blow to the back of the head sends Joel staggering, but not by much. Still, it’s enough, and Amos is smart enough to press his advantage. 

He doesn’t get far.

“JOEL!” Suddenly Ellie is there, Amos is screaming in pain, and Ellie has found a perch on Amos’s back, switchblade dug deep into his shoulder and being used to support her weight while she pummels his neck and head with small, brutal fists, swearing the entire time. Joel manages to get his feet back underneath him, but before either him or Tommy can react, Amos manages to pull Ellie off his back and throws her to the floor. She cries out at the impact.

The room holds its collective breath. In the space of time it takes Tommy to think oh shit, Joel moves.

It’s so fast no one can see exactly what happens, but it ends with Amos on his back, Ellie’s switchblade plunged in to the hilt, and Joel’s gun pressed between his eyes.

Amos whimpers.

Joel’s voice is eerily calm when he speaks, but it rings out through the dead-silent mess hall. “You ever touch my girl again, and I’ll bury you. Understand me?” Tommy can barely see the other man nod. Joel seems to find this satisfactory and returns his gun to its holster. With a quick jerk, he pulls Ellie’s switchblade from Amos’s shoulder and stands up. Amos whimpers again.

No one speaks as Joel walks over to Ellie and pulls her to her feet. The pair don’t say a word to each other, merely turn and walk back out the door, Ellie holding on to Joel’s hand the entire time.

Tommy sighs. This is getting out of hand.

/-------/

“I told ya I’m fine, Ellie.” Joel sits on the living room floor, Ellie crouched behind him as she inspects his wound. She snorts.

“Yeah, tell that to the fucking knot on your head.” she retorts. “Besides, you were fussing over some stupid bruises, so let me fuss over your thick head.” Her fingers shake despite her harsh tone, and Joel merely sighs and lets her fuss.

The bruises across her shoulders are probably as bad as the knot on his head. Not anything that would slow them down outside, when they had nothing to rely on but each other, but that was a different scenario. The idea of an ally being the one to hurt his Ellie like that – 

It infuriates him. 

The front door opens. Ellie’s hand immediately drops to the gun beside them, but then Joel hears Tommy’s voice. “Just comin’ to check on y’all.” Ellie scoffs, but returns her attention to Joel. Tommy walks further in, but stops short of actually approaching the pair. Ellie’s attention may be almost exclusively on Joel, and Tommy knows his big brother doesn’t view him as a threat, but that’s not to say Ellie won’t. After that little demonstration, he’s not taking any chances.

He decides to ask his questions from a distance. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

Ellie’s fingers probe the bruised area. Joel makes it a point to not flinch. “I don’t know. The damned teacher kept me over after classes, so I only caught what he did.” She frowns. “You’re gonna have a hell of a headache tomorrow.”

“I already have one now.” Joel grumbles. “Satisfied?” Ellie nods and finally sits down, parking herself right beside Joel. Joel merely looks up at Tommy, not bothering to stand up. “We really gonna do this now?”

Tommy nods. “Yep. Pretty much the whole town saw what you did. They’re scared.”

Ellie glares at him. “Why? That asshole attacked him first!”

“But they know Amos.” Joel says quietly. “They don’t know us. They’ll side with him simply because of that.”

“Exactly.” Tommy sighs. “Don’t get me wrong – Amos is an asshole, but he’s a harmless asshole.” He ignores Ellie’s scoffing at that. “He’s gotten into plenty of scrapes, and they’ve all been pissing contests. He wins, he brags, they never fight again. You understand?”

“Yeah, I get it. No danger to life or limb.”

“Right. I know you’ve got the instincts to know that – “

“I do. But I ain’t lettin’ anyone get away with hurtin’ Ellie.”

That earns him an exasperated sigh. “Either way, he did start it. So what did he say?”

Ellie looks up at Joel, watching him consider his little brother. She’s curious as well – after all, Joel’s the one who suggested just keeping their heads down and sticking together until the place got used to them, but she heard him tell Amos to fuck off – but that look on his face says she’s not going to like what brought this on.

“First tell me this.” Joel says abruptly. “What’s this adoption policy I keep hearing about?”

And suddenly Ellie knows.

“Joel, you have to understand – “

“I’m not leaving him.” Ellie says abruptly. She presses herself closer to Joel’s side, and he automatically wraps his arm around her shoulders. “You can’t make me.”

Tommy holds up his hands, stalling the impending blow-out. “The policy says that any child who comes to us with no parents can be adopted by a couple, if they want to be. Otherwise we have an orphanage of sorts where the kids can stay.” He shakes his head. “It’s not like a law or anything – just something to help out any kids we find. Most kids choose a family. And it’s pretty common knowledge that you two aren’t related.”

Joel tightens his grip on Ellie. “Apparently. There’s a family that wants her. Amos thought it was his place to give me his opinion on the matter.”

“He insulted your ability to parent.”

“Puttin’ it mildly.”

Tommy sighs. “I know you don’t wanna hear this, but maybe you should let the family talk to her, Joel. Who knows – Ellie might just find a place here. It’ll be good for her to at least explore the option.”

Ellie’s gaze snaps up to Joel, who simply looks at Tommy. For a brief moment, she fears he might agree. It’s not a fear she can easily ignore. He might simply think it’ll help her find friends (which she doesn’t want) and then how far will it go?

Finally, Joel looks down at her. “What do you think?”

Her response is immediate. “No.”

He nods. “All right. You got yer answer, Tommy. Now leave it alone.”

“Joel –“

“Leave. It. Alone.”

Even Tommy has to recognize the threat in that tone. He just nods and leaves the small house.

Ellie watches him go. “That’s gonna be a problem, isn’t it?”

Joel merely shakes his head. “Only if he makes it one.” He looks down at her with a small smile. “You done prodding my head now?” She laughs and punches his arm, bad mood forgotten for now, which is exactly what Joel intends.

Ellie is his, and he is Ellie’s. No one is going to change that.


	3. Guitar Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guitar lessons lead to a few new encounters - some good, others not so much.

There’s a music store in Jackson.

Joel finds it while patrolling the area with Tommy. He remembers what he told Ellie, and motions towards it with his gun. “Think they got anything good in there?”

Tommy shrugs. “That was always your thing, not mine.” he says quietly. “If you wanna check it out, make it quick. We’re expected back in a few hours.” Joel merely nods and heads inside while Tommy guards the exit. It doesn’t take long for him to find what he’s after – two guitars, one small enough for Ellie to use, and some new(ish) strings. He puts the strings in his pocket and slings both guitars over his shoulder. Tommy just arches an eyebrow at his find.

“Gettin’ bored already at the house?”

Joel flashes him a grin. “Promised Ellie I’d teach her how to play. She’ll probably pester me into singing for her.”

That earns him a chuckle from his little brother. “Yeah, you always were good at that. I’ll bet that girl won’t sit still long enough to learn how to play.”

“Eh, even if she don’t, it’ll still be something.”

/--------/

Tommy is very, very wrong. Not only is Ellie more than thrilled with the idea of learning how to play, she’s a natural at it. It doesn’t take her long to pick up the basics, even with the guitar being out of tune (changing the strings didn’t help, not that Joel thought it would). She loves it. She especially loves playing with Joel, so it becomes something of a habit for him to go out and find sheet music at the store while on patrol, or old records that they can learn to play by ear.

After the incident with Amos, the murmurings have stopped. The wall guards, however – the ones who know Amos best – think the whole thing is just damned funny. One of them, a man about ten years younger than Joel called Harry, summed it up best.

_Bout damned time someone put him in his place. Good job, Kid._

Normally, Ellie doesn’t like to be called _kid,_ but all the wall guards do it. After watching her beat a grown man’s ass, they’ve all taken a shine to her. When Joel has guard duty, they ask about her. After a few nights, he starts bringing her around. She brings her guitar and uses the time to practice.

At first, they worry the sound might draw out the Infected. But she keeps it quiet, barely making a sound – more just going through the motions than anything else – and after a while no one really thinks about it. Sometimes she hums along. Sometimes she forgets about the guitar entirely and just talks with the guys, listens in, or helps Joel tell them stories about their travels. They never mention David, but Henry and Sam come up. That spawns stories of others lost to the Infected, or just to their own fears.

Then, one night when the rain is coming down hard enough that the guards are simply a formality, Harry brings out his own guitar. They stay inside the station, three men keeping an eye out on the surrounding woods while Joel, Ellie, and Harry have an impromptu jam session, using the rain to mask the sounds.

It makes Ellie happy, and that makes Joel smile.

/------/

Harry becomes something of a fixture, and it’s not uncommon to see him with Ellie when Joel simply can’t be. This one time, Joel is hung up with Tommy, patching up a hole in the wall. He asked Harry to get Ellie from school, and Harry obliged.

The classes aren’t much. Mostly just a way to keep the younger ones occupied, teach them to read and write and do basic math, and keep the older kids interested in learning. In exchange for being allowed to do guard duty with Joel, Ellie has to take classes three days a week. Mostly she just reads books she finds interesting. It surprises absolutely no one that most of those books are basic physics or chemistry, or improvised weapons. Mostly she focuses on the useful things – she’s a better gunsmith than the gunsmith Jackson has, and Harry knows the wall guards prefer to let her clean and care for their weapons than old Nate – but she picks other things up along the way. She likes sharing her knowledge with Joel and even Harry now.

Today, he finds her sitting on the road just outside the school, several books beside her and guitar in hand. This time she’s not alone. There’s a young man standing in front of her, small smile on his face. Harry doesn’t know his name – never bothered with the kids much himself, not until Ellie showed up – but he doesn’t really care for that smile. There’s two other boys standing a fair distance away, laughing to themselves and watching, and Harry grimaces.

This is a hazing ritual he’s very familiar with, even from before. Let’s see how well Ellie deals with it. She’s sharp – there’s a good chance she’ll call his bullshit.

“So – Ellie, right?” She hums acknowledgement, not looking up from the guitar. The boy smiles. “I’m Matt. It’s nice to see a new face around here.” 

Ellie barely glances up at him. “I’m not that new anymore.”

“Yeah, but you’re always hanging around with that old fart, or the wall guards.”

Oh, now that’s the wrong thing to say. Her hand pauses on the strings, and she glares up at him full force. “He has a name. It’s Joel.”

Matt just nods, clearly not fazed by her tone. “Okay, okay. So – you wanna come over to my place with me? I could teach you some new songs. I play guitar too.”

Ellie just focuses on him for a long moment, and even Harry is struck by the impression that she’s reading everything that’s crossing his mind. Slowly, her lip curls in a sneer. “No.”

“Aw, don’t be like that. I know it’s scary being the new girl – I can show you around first, introduce you to some people. We don’t even gotta do the lessons today. C’mon, whaddya say?” He flashes her a charming smile. Ellie simply glares right back. With a small sigh, she sets aside her guitar and stands up. She barely comes up to Matt’s chest, but there’s a force behind her small frame. She stands like someone who _knows_ he’s full of shit, and _knows_ she can take his ass out.

After Amos, Harry will believe anything.

“Why? So you can pressure me into having sex with you? _Rape me_ if I don’t agree?” Matt takes a step back, but Ellie matches him. Her lip curls in a sneer. “Boy, you ain’t intimidating enough to scare me. I’ve killed meaner than you.”

Matt glances over at his comrades, clearly at a loss now that his plan has gone to shit, and Harry decides now is a good time to step in. He takes a few steps forward, announcing his presence with heavy steps. Matt’s gaze snaps over to him, and if possible, he goes even paler.

Good. Boy needs to be scared. “You ready to go, Ellie?” he asks.

“Yep.” Ellie turns around, clearly dismissive, and gathers up her things, slinging the guitar over her back. She starts to follow Harry, but stops. 

“Matt – I hear you pulling this shit on other girls, I’m gonna cut your dick off. Get me?” She doesn’t wait for Matt to acknowledge her threat. She simply takes the lead. 

When they’ve gotten a fair distance away, she turns to gaze to Harry, and he’s looking at the Kid now, not a little soldier who just threatened someone’s life. “So – I guess Joel got held up?”

Harry recognizes a dropped subject when he hears one. So he just smiles and lets it go.

/--------/

Joel doesn’t have guard duty that night, which he figures is a good thing. He sits on the couch in their living room, guitar in hand while he picks out an absentminded melody, and Ellie is curled up into his side, eyes closed but clearly not asleep. Her body is tense, small fists clenched in his flannel, and he suspects she’s using the music to keep the monsters at bay. 

Ellie likes to touch. It’s not uncommon for her to sit with their arms pressing against each other, or her head or feet in his lap, or even leaning with her back against his. Cuddling, however – tucked underneath his arm and into his side like this – is usually reserved for after nightmares.

“You wanna talk about it?”

She shakes her head. “No.”

There’s a moment’s pause as he plans his next questions, letting the gentle melody keep her reasonably calm. She’s talking, just not about whatever is bothering her. She’ll let him get away with asking a few generic questions, he knows – just enough to ascertain if she’s in any kind of danger – and then she’ll clam up altogether to fight her own demons. She won’t come to him for help until she knows she can’t win this fight alone.

He hates it, but he can’t help but admire her for it.

“Did someone hurt you?”

That almost earns him a smirk. “No.” 

Not that he thought the answer was yes, but he likes being thorough. “Did they want to?”

“I think so.”

Indirect threat, then. No way to tell how indirect until he gets details, and Ellie won’t provide those details. “Did Harry see what happened?” A nod. “Mind if I ask him later?” He feels the shudder roll through her frame before she nods again. “Okay, then.” He’ll make sure to ask his questions when Ellie is out of hearing range. Whatever happened, she doesn’t need to relive it again.

Still, he has one last question. “What kind of nightmares ya reckon we’re having tonight?”

There’s a very long pause there. They’ve helped each other through their nightmares so often now that they’re no longer Ellie’s or Joel’s, but theirs. It doesn’t matter who’s actually doing the dreaming. Ellie has her nightmares about that winter, and Joel knows the what-ifs of the hospital are going to haunt him for a long time, but waking up and knowing the other is there, by their side, no matter what, always makes the monsters go away.

He’s almost given up on her answering when she finally does. “The bad ones.”

 _David._ And now he has a much better idea of what happened. Damned teenagers. He’ll get the details from Harry later, and then maybe the two of them will do something about it, but right now, he has a higher priority. “Okay, then. We’ll stay here as long as you need. Okay?”

She nods against his shirt. “Thank you.”

“Always, baby girl.”


	4. When Did You See Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late night conversations and a reminder of a life worth living.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit at the end where things delve a little into religion - specifically, the Catholic patron saints. I'm not Catholic, so if I botched the very brief explanation I gave, I'm sorry. Just take it with a grain of salt. The whole thing worked out better than I originally thought it would.

Conversations after dark have a different set of rules.

Laying there together on the single mattress, the unspoken rules of conversation change. Anything can be asked, and the truth has to be spoken – and these truths do not get mentioned outside the cover of darkness. 

Most of the time, these questions have little to no bearing on daily life. Joel will ask about Ellie’s parents, what she can remember of them, or her relationship with Marlene (which wasn’t as close as Marlene told Joel, much to his irritation). In turn, she asks him about Tommy and Sarah and what life was like before everything went to shit. She asks him about his watch one night.

Tonight, however, she has a different question – one that might just change the way she sees Joel. But she has to know. So she rolls over to face him, takes a deep breath, and begins.

“You told Tommy I’m not Sarah.” He nods, not bothering to look away from the ceiling just yet. “Was that ever not true?”

The question makes him flinch ever-so-slightly. He knows where this is coming from – after all, which is worse, getting attached to someone and having them torn away from you, or getting attached and realizing they only see you as a shadow of what they can’t have anymore? – and thankfully, he knows exactly what to say. He still hates that she feels like she has to ask.

“Once. A long time ago.” He rolls onto his side so he can face her directly. Her eyes shine in the moonlight; his face is cast in shadow. “You’re older than her, but you don’t look it. Honestly, it made the job easier. As long as you were just her shadow, I could pretend like you didn’t matter.”

He can see the pain cross her face, but he waits for her to ask her next question. “When – when did that change?” _When did you see me?_

That earns her a smile. “Ah, about th’ same time you shot that guy for trying to drown my ass.” he says lightly. “It was already startin’ ta change before then, but that’s what sealed it. That’s not something Sarah could have done. She never did like guns. Think the noise scared her.” He closes his eyes for just a moment. He never pressed the issue, never made Sarah handle a weapon that fundamentally scared her. He just made sure she knew as long as that gun was in his hands, there was nothing to be afraid of.

Ellie considers pursuing that line of conversation, but decides against it. That’s for a different night. While Joel can talk about Sarah now without sounding like he’s about to break, she doesn’t like the darkness that overcomes him when he does. She reaches out and rests her hand on his shoulder, drawing him out of those thoughts.

“Is that why you tried to pawn me off on Tommy?”

Joel actually chuckles at that. “Heh – you saw right through my ass then, didn’t you?” She flashes him a grin. “Yeah, I reckon that was part of it. I was scared of you – scared of myself. If anything happened to you on my watch, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.” He trails his fingers down her face, and she leans into the touch. “Then again, probably a good thing I couldn’ let ya go. Tommy’s a good man, but he wouldn’t have done what I did.”

Ellie doesn’t have to ask. “He would have let Marlene kill me.”

“Pretty much.”

The next question slips out before she can think about it. “What would you have done then?”

He briefly closes his eyes against the sudden flood of pain. He knows exactly what he would have done, if Tommy came back without Ellie and told him what had happened. “Well, I might not have found out. Never intended to stay in Jackson.”

Ellie’s eyes widen, and he knows she fully understands what he simply can’t say. He decides to change the subject before she can question him further. “What about you? I seem ta remember a fair amount of protesting on your part, too.”

“Hey!” She grins. “Come on, you can’t hold that against me. You guys were total strangers, and you definitely weren’t Fireflies.”

He grins at that. “Yeah, whatever.” he teases. “Still, you changed your mind about me, too. When did that happen?”

“After Tess.” She lowers her gaze. “You didn’t blame me.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was. Indirectly. I mean, if Marlene hadn’t called on you guys, she’d still be alive.” She shrugs. “Either way, not the point. The point is you could have blamed me, but you didn’t. You just told me not to bring her up again – which I totally get, by the way. But I guess that’s when I figured you weren’t all bad, if you could forgive that.”

Joel sighs. “Baby girl, I couldn’t have blamed you for that. If it was anyone’s fault, it was mine for not lookin’ out for her better. Like she said, our luck had to run out eventually.” She opens her mouth to protest, but he cuts her off. “Come on, time to get some sleep. We got a long day ahead of us tomorrow.” She bites back her words, not happy about it, and nods. Joel rolls back over onto his back and closes his eyes.

He feels it then, that small hand on his chest and her warmth pressed against his arm. It reminds him a little of the winter, when he would wake occasionally and feel her hand on his chest, tracking his heartbeat and his breath, making sure he’s still alive.

Keeping him alive, if he’s honest.

He reaches up and places his hand over hers. “Good night, baby girl.”

She’s smiling, he can hear it. “Night, Joel.”

/-----/

A few days later, Ellie winds up on patrol with Harry. There’s plenty of small shops all over Jackson, and Ellie has been using her patrols to scour them, looking for something. She sort of knows what she’s after. Mostly she knows what she’s not.

Something small, easy to carry, and not a watch. 

Harry knows she’s got a mission, but she hasn’t told him what it is. She can barely explain to herself why it’s so important that she does it. It just is.

She finds herself exploring one of the smaller shops that hasn’t been ransacked completely. It sells mostly useless things, sunglasses and hats and keychains and the like, but in the very back she finds a completely different display. It’s a series of pendants, all hanging on a revolving display, and they all seem to have a religious significance. “Hey, Harry? What’s this?” 

Harry walks up behind her and takes a look. He grins. “Patron saint pendants. Um, some religious groups back in the day believed that certain angels or dead people looked after different groups. Like God assigned them to protect those still living.”

Ellie makes a face. “Okay, that’s weird. Angels I get – but why dead people? Clearly, they aren’t that strong, or they wouldn’t be dead.”

Harry laughs. “Good point, but that never stopped anybody. It’s just one of the weird things that used to matter to some people.”

“Eh, true. So, what groups did these guys look after?”

Harry examines the rack. “These are some of the more obscure ones. Um, St Joan of Arc is the patron saint of female soldiers. You’d probably like her – she was pretty badass. St Jude was over childhood illnesses and lost causes.”

Ellie snorts. “Pretty sure he’s watching over the whole damned earth now.” 

That earns her another laugh from Harry. “Most definitely. Oh – this is one of the angels. St Michael the Archangel – means he was one of the strongest angels.”

“Wow.” Ellie reaches out and takes the pendant. It feels heavy in her hand, but not too heavy. Definitely not made out of tin like the Firefly pendants are. “So, who did he protect?”

Harry grins. “Police, mostly. Anyone who’s job it was to protect others. My mamma always called him the patron saint of badasses.” He reaches forward. “Here, this book explains it better than I can. It’s all gonna seem really weird, but it’s interesting anyway.” He slips the book into her backpack while she examines the pendant.

It doesn’t surprise him to see her pocket the thing on the way out.

/------/

Ellie gives Joel the pendant on the way home from school the next day. She doesn’t say a word, just hands it to him. Joel looks it over. “St Michael?”

“Harry said he’s the patron saint of badasses.”

Joel grins. “You sayin’ I need protection?”

Ellie just snorts. She could give him a serious answer, but that’s nighttime talk. She settles for sarcasm instead. It’s worked out well for them so far. “Nah. Pretty sure between me and you, Death knows better than to come after you. We kick him in the teeth. But I figure it couldn’t hurt to have an angel on our side.”

She expects him to put the pendant in his pocket. Maybe she’ll see it attached to his backpack at a later time. Most likely not. He’ll keep it on him, but she won’t see it again.

So it surprises the hell out of her to see him put the chain around his neck and tuck the pendant under his shirt. He catches her look and just grins. “I won’t say no to havin’ another angel around,” he drawls, “but I’m pretty sure Michael will leave me in your hands.”

Ellie doesn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.


	5. Cat's Out of the Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all knew it was going to happen. This is how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a double update! I have no internet at my apartment, so I keep writing chapters, and then posting them all when I'm at my parents' place. 
> 
> Also, if there's anything you would like to see that would take place in this time period, let me know and I'll see if I can work it in.

Joel is walking home with Liam, another wall guard that’s almost his age, when it happens.

Harry picked Ellie up from school that day. In retrospect, Joel will be hilariously grateful that Harry did this and not Liam. Harry asks questions. Liam just shoots on sight.

Joel pushes open the door, and the sight that greets him freezes his blood.

Ellie stands in the middle of the living room, fear and resignation written on her face. Her sleeves have been pulled up, and she has both hands raised in a placating gesture. Harry stands in front of her, gun raised but not quite aimed at her, and that’s probably the only thing keeping Joel from killing him on sight.

Even from here, he can see the bite mark.

“Harry!” He rushes forward, putting himself between Harry and Ellie. Liam stands at the door, comprehension flashing across his face. He closes the door behind him and locks it. Joel chooses to ignore the implications of that. He keeps his focus on Harry. “Harry, put the gun down.”

“She’s infected.” Harry says. His voice is calm, almost flat, but Joel can see the confusion and turmoil in his eyes. “You saw the bite, Joel.”

“She’s not infected.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Liam says, stepping forward to join Harry. He doesn’t draw his own weapon, and Joel can see a similar turmoil on his own face. It might not be as hard to convince them of this as he first assumed. “She must have been bit last night on patrol somehow.”

“I was not!” Ellie protests immediately. “If I was, I never would have come back! I wouldn’t risk Joel’s life like that!” Joel flinches at that. She takes a step forward, getting just close enough that she can reach forward and grab the hem of his shirt with shaking hands. “I swear to you, I’m not infected.”

Liam opens his mouth, but Harry shuts him up with a look. He lowers his gun completely, and Joel feels like he can breathe again. “Explain the bite, then.” he says gently.

Ellie glances up at Joel for permission, and he nods. “Might as well.” he says tiredly. “They deserve to know.” 

She nods in return. “I was bit – over a year ago.” she says softly. “I’m not infected. I’m immune.”

There’s a long pause while Harry and Liam absorb this. Liam speaks first. “You’re shitting us.”

“She’s not.” Joel says dryly. “I’ve seen her breathe in enough spores to drop a grown man, and nothing.”

“So you are infected, but you haven’t turned.” Harry observes. “Do you know why?”

She glances at Joel again, but decides to tell the truth. At least most of it. “Best the Fireflies could figure, my body mutated the fungus. I coexist with it instead of being hurt by it.”

Liam sits down on the couch rather abruptly. “Holy shit, Kid. Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be with the Fireflies so they can find a cure? You could change everything!”

For the second time in about thirty minutes, Joel feels like his blood is frozen. What will these men do, he wonders, if they realize what he did? Will they understand, like Ellie did? Or will they condemn him for his actions? Ultimately, they don’t matter, but Joel doesn’t doubt that there are other Fireflies out there, still trying to find a cure. 

He won’t admit it to anyone, but his greatest fear is someone tipping off the Fireflies that Ellie is here, and this time, he can’t save her.

Ellie just gives Liam a look. “That’s how Joel and I met. Marlene asked him to take me to the lab so the Fireflies could do just that.”

“And?”

She doesn’t miss a beat. “They drew some blood, patted me on the head, and sent me on my way. We’d gotten pretty attached to each other by then, so we decided to stick together and come here.”

_Now why the hell didn’t I think of that lie?!_

Although Harry and Liam both are giving them hard looks, so he doubts they believe Ellie any more than she believed him. However, instead of questioning them further, Harry just takes a seat next to Liam and sets his gun on the floor. It’s a gesture of peace, and Joel finally relaxes completely at that. Still, Ellie keeps her hands fisted in his shirt, hiding the bite mark with his body, and he lets her stay there.

She’s scared, he knows. He’s scared, too.

Harry speaks first. “I’m guessing no one else knows about this.”

“Tommy does. Maybe Maria. But no, no one else.” Joel flashes him a weak smile. “I woulda preferred to keep it that way.”

Harry makes a dismissive gesture. “She thought I had left and was washing up in the kitchen. I walked in behind her. Just a not-so-happy accident.” He turns his focus to Ellie. “Kid, I know you’re not a threat. But you’re still a carrier. You can still pass the infection on to someone else.”

“I can’t.” She’s shaking now, and Joel automatically wraps an arm around her to steady her. He’s never seen her this scared, not even after David.

Liam leans forward. “You can’t?” Ellie shakes her head. “How do you know?” There’s no answer. Ellie buries her face in Joel’s side. “Ellie. How do you know?”

“Liam – “

“Joel’s still here.”

That stops all three men. Joel looks down at the top of her head, confused. “Now, I don’t recall givin’ you reason to bite me.” he says dryly. It earns a choked laugh from the small girl.

“After the university. You stopped breathing. I didn’t know what else to do.” He can feel her tears wetting his shirt, and suddenly he understands. He understands, and it breaks his heart. He pulls her closer to him, wordlessly reassuring her, and the tremors slowly calm. She takes a deep breath and pulls away far enough to glare at the other two men.

“That was almost six months ago. If he’s not infected, I can’t transmit.” There’s a wealth of threat in those words, despite the tears still flowing, and Joel can’t help the swell of pride.

_Now that’s my girl._

Harry laughs outright. “Kid, we’re not going to hurt Joel. Or you. You’re guards – that makes you family. The secret is safe with us, okay?”

“You two are awfully okay with this.” Joel comments. “Not that I’m complaining, but.”

Liam shrugs. “I’m sure Harry here would give you some crap about how you wouldn’t lie about something like this.” he says blandly. “Personally, I figure if she’s lying, we’ll know tomorrow morning. No harm to the community in letting you just ride it out.” He stands up. “Come on, Harry. Let’s get going, give those two some privacy.” Harry just rolls his eyes, but he follows Liam’s lead and leaves the house.

Leaving Joel to deal with the other part of this mess. “Ellie –“

“I’m sorry.”

He blinks. That’s not what he was expecting. “Sorry for what?” 

She’s shaking again, but she hasn’t let go of his shirt. “I could have infected you.”

“Oh, baby girl.” He manages to get her to let go long enough to kneel down in front of her. Before she can protest – or freak out – he pulls her against his chest and holds her there, just like he did when he found her in that burning restaurant. “I ain’ mad at you for that.”

“You aren’t? I’m mad at me!”

He chuckles. “No. Truth be told, if the Fireflies hadn’t shown up when they did, I would have done the same thing.” He pulls back a little and wipes away her tears. “Come on, now, none of that. Ain’ nothin’ to be crying over.”

She gives him a hard look before nodding. “You’re right.” She takes a step back, but stays close enough that he can feel her warmth. “You know Liam is gonna come check on us in the morning.”

Joel can’t help but grin. There’s his baby girl. “How badly you reckon he’s gonna freak out when he realizes we’re still alive?”

Ellie laughs outright. “Pretty badly. I’d place bets that he’ll pee himself!”

That makes Joel laugh as well. It’s gonna be okay.

/---------/

Liam does come to check on them the next morning, along with Harry. Harry doesn’t say anything, just asks how their night was and what the plans are for the day. Liam watches from the door with a small, awed smile on his face.

He’s glad she’s alright. Ellie isn’t just Joel’s kid anymore.


End file.
